Tammy Stoner, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, provides presentations, coaching and counseling services. As the developer of the Teddy Bear Technique® Toolkit she demonstrates fast and fun ways to engage in storytelling for adults and children, and quickly reach the hard to reach. As author, presenter and coach, services are guaranteed to create breakthrough results!
How to Respond to the Suicide Attempter
In the hospital emergency room doctors and nurses frantically worked on 16 year old Mary trying desperately to save her life. Was it a car accident? No. Was it a drug overdose? No. Was it a fight? No. 16 year old Mary had jumped off a building in a desperate attempt to end her own life.
Every single minute of every single day one young person attempts to end his or her own life. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the United States among young people. It is more common then drug overdoses, more common then homicide.
As a social worker I frequently see people who have made suicide attempts. I am trained to know how to respond. Unfortunately by the time they get to me they have often made an attempt. This article is written for you, the lay person, because it is you, the person not trained in suicide who will usually first encounter the suicidal person. It is you who needs to know what to say, how to respond.
There are some who say that a teenager who talks about suicide is just looking for attention. If they are talking about suicide they aren't really serious. Anybody who uses suicide as a means of getting attention," desperately needs attention and we must pay attention.
Tip #1. Pay attention. Somebody who talks about suicide is giving you a warning sign. Take it seriously. 85% of people who complete suicide, made a suicidal attempt previously. Take these conversations and attempts seriously.
Suicidal people feel hopeless and helpless. They don't think that things will get any better, and they don't believe that they can create any change for things to improve.
Tip #2. Emphasize Hope. Hope is what keeps people alive. When I have a bad day, I live through it because I believe that tomorrow will be a better day. Explore how they have coped with bad situations in the past and use this to help them cope today. Emphasize hope.
Suicidal people are ambivalent. That means they have an internal struggle, they want to live and they want to die at the same time. So the first step is to recognize this ambivalence and hold on to the part of them that wants to live.
Tip #3. Remember ambivalence and emphasize the part of them that wants to live.
Suicidal people get tunnel vision. They see life through a narrow frame of reference and can't see options for change. Life becomes black or white, good or bad, all or nothing.
Tip #4. Remember shades of gray. Rarely is something all good or all bad. There are ranges of behavior and life has colors and shades. Help people see these shades.
Suicidal people want to tell you all of the reasons that they want to die.
Tip #5. Don't debate the merits of living or dying. You may get into an argument with them, and they can convince you all of the reasons for ending their life. Don't debate the reasons for living or dying. It's a useless conversation. Insist on life.
Suicidal people often feel isolated. Frequently they feel that nobody cares. Life just doesn't matter when it does.
Tip #6. Don't operate alone. Identify supports and get help. You do not need to handle this situation by yourself. Find out who the person has for support and notify that person.
Suicidal people might tell you not to tell anybody of their plans to end their own life.
Tip #7. Ignore confidentiality when listening to people tell you their plans to end their own life. Identify who they trust or who they live with and get some help. If there is no adequate support, do not operate alone. Call the emergency room or call the mental health center. Don't operate by yourself.
Suicidal people feel that the situation driving them to suicide is permanent. Teenagers frequently lack the life experience to understand that most problems are temporary. Just because it's a problem today doesn't mean it will be a problem tomorrow.
Tip #8. Emphasize the temporary nature of problems. Today it may be serious and tomorrow the same problem doesn't matter.
Sometimes suicidal people talk like they are feeling suicidal but they don't come right out and say it. You're not sure.
Tip #9. Ask. If you are concerned that somebody is suicidal but aren't sure, then you must ask. Asking whether or not somebody is suicidal will not lead to a suicide attempt any more than asking about pregnancy will lead to somebody getting pregnant. If you are concerned but aren't sure, then ask.
People who complete suicide have often made a previous attempt. Previous attempts are one of the best indicators of future attempts.
Tip #10. Ask if they have ever tried to harm themselves in the past. A past attempt is an excellent indicator of future attempts.
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears: Reprinted with permission from Tammy Stoner LCSW at
http://www.TeddyBearTherapy.com 1-770 639-7719
© Tammy Stoner @ The Teddy Bear Technique® All rights reserved.
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